I have started this blog to let out my feelings. I wrote my feelings down in a word document before this but I did not want anyone else to feel like I have so I did this so other people can read it and try not to make the same mistakes I  have. I have thought about putting my word document on the blog but it gets so personal and I name people by name. I would just prefer to stay anonymous so maybe sometime in the future I will post it. I just think being anonymous while expressing my feelings is the best think for now.

I am procratinating on homework and it is due in two and half hours and I am blanking on how to start a tiny little summary. I am stressed and freaking out. I did the same in high school but that was easier than college. Have you ever got so stressed you through the book at a wall and then started crying. I know I have. Stress gets to me pretty easily. Usually I watch tv, movie, or read and that helps but with my homework due so soon I don't have time to do them. If you are reading this, don't be like me and procrastinate. I am probably going to get a F on this even if I finish it. Do better than me. I don't won't yall to make the same mistakes I am making.

Feeling like you don't belong, is normal in my book. I have felt like the third wheel with my family, friends, and life in general. I am the person always just tagging along, or invited because my brother or sister were and they said you can bring him too. Sometimes it sucks. Me always feeling like a third wheel made me a loner. I enjoy it sometimes but the bad part about being a loner is that your alone. I would rather be alone then hang out with a bunch of idiots who don't know me. Everybody tells you to go out and live life, just talk to people, open up, what could be the worst thing that would happen. The worst thing would be when you ask out a girl, she laughs, says never in a million years, or my fav are you serious. Sometimes the worst things happen and I agree with the people who say we should live life and get out more but don't throw us into the world. Let us do it in our own time, at our own speed. If you rush us then you are making more problems then solving. Just back off! I am antisocial and yes that is bad but it is also good. Because I am antisocial I am away from the jerks, idiots, slim balls, sluts, and many more. I don't drink or do drugs because I chose not to. Since I  am antisocial, during high school I did not deal with peer pressure as much because I did not have very many friends. So the next time somebody tells you to venture out, give it a try when you are ready but just remember there is nothing wrong with you for being a loner. Loner's are self thinkers who don't care what other people think and who will succeed in life.

Movies that help people survive high school:
1. The Breakfast Club
2. Sixteen Candles
3. Weird Science

This movie helped me but it is not like the others but it is a great movie.
1. Adventures in Babysitting

Trust me, all these movies a amazing. No one could watch them and not be amazed.

I am scared of living life. Mainly about meeting new people. I know it seems childish but I am afraid that if I get a girl I won't be good at anything. I bet most people are afraid of the same things as me but they won't admite it. What if I am not a good kisser, what if I am not good at second base, what if I am not good at sex and many more. I am a kind hearted person but what girl wants that. They all say they want the good/nice guy but they never choose him. For anybody who reads this don't be me. I have been living my life in "what if" land and not taking chances because I am scared. Don't be me, live your life and I guess practice makes perfect. I am not saying go out and have a lot of sex so you will be good at it. I am saying try to find "The One." Most of the girls or guys we date won't be "The One," but each one is important in shaping the person we will become. So go out and live life don't wonder "what if," because with each passing moment you lose seconds of your life that is already so short.

During high school I was bullied. I was made fun of with names, but I was never beaten up. Even though I was never hit I still was hurt. I never had a lot or any friends. It seemed like everybody was picking on me. But what they don't know is how I thought about killing myself. As you can tell I didn't or I would not be writing this. They did not know me or what I was going through yet they still never stopped. I only had a few friends and then next year, sophmore year, somebody told me to be a teacher's aide like him. I signed up and we became friends. Then I met his friends and I became friends with them. I gained more friends each year after that, I only gained a couple friends each year but it counts. What he, the one who said to become a teacher's aide, doesn't know that if it was not for him, the friends he gave me, and the friends I already had, also GOD I would not be here today. But God gave me those friends and that is how I survived. They don't know how they helped me. I would sit at home crying and wonder what if but they got me out of the black hole I was in. The friend who did this died my senior year. There must be irony there because he saved my life and two years later he lost his. I miss him so much. He will never know how great of a friend he was. The rest of my friends will never know, what they did for me by just being their. I go days without thinking of high school, my friends, and the pain I felt back then. Then there are days when it hits me. I don't thinking about killing myself anymore but thinking back is good to see how far you have come and to realize that you may be hurting but your not the only one. So do what I couldn't. Tell your friends what is going on so they can help, because they will.