I am struggling with sin. I was doing good to quit a bad habit that is also and sin. I made it three days then gave in to temptation. I feel awful. I asked God to forgive me and I know he did but I feel like shit because I keep giving in. I did good the first two days but then I was alone and the devil went constantly today until I gave in. I need a best friend who won't judge me and I can tell someone what I feel and what I am going through. But my family and the friends I have would not understand. I need a nonjudgemental friend who is their for me no matter what. I never had a friend like that. I have two friends who will talk to me about anything.

God just blessed me and my sister. I made it through a trial all thanks to God. All you people out there who don't believe in God, I don't understand how when there are miracles all over the place. I am not going to force my religion on you because that just makes yall mad and hate us more but I am saying I know God and my Savior Jesus and they have changed my life. I have witnessed miracles and heard about them and it is amazing. For the people who don't believe just give him a chance and for the believers, lean on him for everything.

I just watched Teen Wolf Season 1 episode 4 and there was this funny scene. It was great. I would love for a girl to do that. Yall would just know the scene if you watch the episode.

Aunty Acid

Don't you hate it when you are doing something funny, fun, or just cause you won't to then you realize during it or after it that they videoed you. I have been videoed without my knowledge at least 5 times. I think it is 7 but I am not sure but seriously. First, my mother and sister secretly videoed taped dancing while doing the dishes and there is only a couple words to describe it. And my family was trying to tell me what they were but they could not stop laughing to get them out. Then my sister secretly videoed my at school doing something silly. Third, my mom videoed taped me playing just dance but that game is awesome. Fourth, a friend videoed me coping something. I just want to cuss at them more of as really loser but not serious. There are others but I don't know if they told me they were going to video me and I don't remember so I won't mention them. I know everyone has little assholes like this in your family and friends. The only way to survive this is to video yourself doing something worse then put it on youtube yourself and tell them to suck it.

I am thinking about posting something from my diary/journal but I am not sure because it will give clues to who I am. If somebody thinks I should, comment and give me some advice if you want.

I just got my grade up from a F to a D. I know it does not seem like much but it is one step closer to a B. I can actually do it. Just one problem. I have been procrastinating again and I have a rough draft essay due Tuesday april 16th. Yeah I still have awhile except the essay is a book review and I have 275 pages left in my book. I know I have screwed. Yall don't be like me and screw up your lives. I am trying to get out of this endless cycle but I am taking it one step at a time. Yall need to do the same.

Don't you just love it when your friends make fun of you for being antisocial or a loner. I know they were just joking and I am not mad at them but it made me realize that I am a loser. I sit in my room, watching tv and sometimes I do homework. I have sat here and posted about me saying I will open up and experience college. I have been a hypocrite because I have done nothing. Please don't be me, put yourself out there. I have been a antisocial loner for years which makes it so much harder to change but the sooner the better. So if your in high school make a change before college. Good Luck

I may not agree with everything my friends, family, or anybody else does but I don't judge. God says all sin is equal so I have no right to judge. It also says to not be a hypocrite and to look at yourself before you look at someone else. I try so hard not to judge and I succeed on it most of the time. But I am a hypocrite sometimes. Things pop in my head and then the next thing I am realizing is that I am being hypocritical and sometimes judgmental. I ask my friends to call me on it because that is the best way to prevent yourself from doing it again but you can't stop being judgmental or hypocritical but you can not do it as much. The best way to survive this is to have your friends call you on it. I would say family too but when they call me on it they are  being hypocritical but it is different with friends. I can't say, "hey, mom your more judgmental than I am." So friends are your best bet. Good Luck and I hope yall can survive something I have been struggling with my whole life and still are struggling with.

Hey, I have not posted in a few days, sorry for anybody who actually reads this. I have been busy avoiding life. I did something social in years which is sad. I am just terrified about meeting new people. What if they don't like me. I am tired of sitting in my room living vicariously through tv. I am going to join a club at my school. God you will have to push me or I will try to weasel my way out of it so just guide me in the right direction so I choose the club that will help me glorify you the must and the one that will help me the most. God just help. Everybody don't make the same mistakes I made in high school. I am going to just be a random picture in a yearbook that someone one day is going to say I think I remember him. Yall need to make people remember you. Don't be the one picture in the yearbook like me. This is how you won't have regrets like me and if you put yourself out there in high school it will be a lot easier to survive college. Good Luck to all of you.

I have started this blog to let out my feelings. I wrote my feelings down in a word document before this but I did not want anyone else to feel like I have so I did this so other people can read it and try not to make the same mistakes I  have. I have thought about putting my word document on the blog but it gets so personal and I name people by name. I would just prefer to stay anonymous so maybe sometime in the future I will post it. I just think being anonymous while expressing my feelings is the best think for now.

I am procratinating on homework and it is due in two and half hours and I am blanking on how to start a tiny little summary. I am stressed and freaking out. I did the same in high school but that was easier than college. Have you ever got so stressed you through the book at a wall and then started crying. I know I have. Stress gets to me pretty easily. Usually I watch tv, movie, or read and that helps but with my homework due so soon I don't have time to do them. If you are reading this, don't be like me and procrastinate. I am probably going to get a F on this even if I finish it. Do better than me. I don't won't yall to make the same mistakes I am making.

Feeling like you don't belong, is normal in my book. I have felt like the third wheel with my family, friends, and life in general. I am the person always just tagging along, or invited because my brother or sister were and they said you can bring him too. Sometimes it sucks. Me always feeling like a third wheel made me a loner. I enjoy it sometimes but the bad part about being a loner is that your alone. I would rather be alone then hang out with a bunch of idiots who don't know me. Everybody tells you to go out and live life, just talk to people, open up, what could be the worst thing that would happen. The worst thing would be when you ask out a girl, she laughs, says never in a million years, or my fav are you serious. Sometimes the worst things happen and I agree with the people who say we should live life and get out more but don't throw us into the world. Let us do it in our own time, at our own speed. If you rush us then you are making more problems then solving. Just back off! I am antisocial and yes that is bad but it is also good. Because I am antisocial I am away from the jerks, idiots, slim balls, sluts, and many more. I don't drink or do drugs because I chose not to. Since I  am antisocial, during high school I did not deal with peer pressure as much because I did not have very many friends. So the next time somebody tells you to venture out, give it a try when you are ready but just remember there is nothing wrong with you for being a loner. Loner's are self thinkers who don't care what other people think and who will succeed in life.

Movies that help people survive high school:
1. The Breakfast Club
2. Sixteen Candles
3. Weird Science

This movie helped me but it is not like the others but it is a great movie.
1. Adventures in Babysitting

Trust me, all these movies a amazing. No one could watch them and not be amazed.

I am scared of living life. Mainly about meeting new people. I know it seems childish but I am afraid that if I get a girl I won't be good at anything. I bet most people are afraid of the same things as me but they won't admite it. What if I am not a good kisser, what if I am not good at second base, what if I am not good at sex and many more. I am a kind hearted person but what girl wants that. They all say they want the good/nice guy but they never choose him. For anybody who reads this don't be me. I have been living my life in "what if" land and not taking chances because I am scared. Don't be me, live your life and I guess practice makes perfect. I am not saying go out and have a lot of sex so you will be good at it. I am saying try to find "The One." Most of the girls or guys we date won't be "The One," but each one is important in shaping the person we will become. So go out and live life don't wonder "what if," because with each passing moment you lose seconds of your life that is already so short.

During high school I was bullied. I was made fun of with names, but I was never beaten up. Even though I was never hit I still was hurt. I never had a lot or any friends. It seemed like everybody was picking on me. But what they don't know is how I thought about killing myself. As you can tell I didn't or I would not be writing this. They did not know me or what I was going through yet they still never stopped. I only had a few friends and then next year, sophmore year, somebody told me to be a teacher's aide like him. I signed up and we became friends. Then I met his friends and I became friends with them. I gained more friends each year after that, I only gained a couple friends each year but it counts. What he, the one who said to become a teacher's aide, doesn't know that if it was not for him, the friends he gave me, and the friends I already had, also GOD I would not be here today. But God gave me those friends and that is how I survived. They don't know how they helped me. I would sit at home crying and wonder what if but they got me out of the black hole I was in. The friend who did this died my senior year. There must be irony there because he saved my life and two years later he lost his. I miss him so much. He will never know how great of a friend he was. The rest of my friends will never know, what they did for me by just being their. I go days without thinking of high school, my friends, and the pain I felt back then. Then there are days when it hits me. I don't thinking about killing myself anymore but thinking back is good to see how far you have come and to realize that you may be hurting but your not the only one. So do what I couldn't. Tell your friends what is going on so they can help, because they will.